My whovian boyfriend's birthday is coming up and I want to make him a cool cake but don't have your fondant skills. Any recommendations or tips?

Hmm…

I can transfer my soul into your body, but the spell takes too long.

So maybe you could just follow this:

  1. BAKE A RECTANGLE CAKE, SON. DON’T HAFTA BE FANCY. BUY A BOX MIX. TELL HIM IT’S HOMEMADE SUCKAH WON’T KNOW STRAIGHT FROM GRANNIE’S OVEN, FOOL!
  2. WAIT FOR THAT SHIT TO COOL. CUT IT IN HALF. USE A KNIFE. TRIED A SPOON ONCE. DON’T WORK FOR SHIT.
  3. PUT THAT HALF ASIDE FOR NOW. CALM DOWN.
  4. SPOON SOME FROSTING INTO IT. DON’T USE THAT CANNED SHIT. ITS AWFUL. OR DO. I’M NOT THERE I CAN’T STOP YOU YOU A WILD WOMAN.
  5. THAT HALF YOU CUT? TIME FOR A REUNION BITCH!
  6. PUT IT IN THE FREEZER FOR 15 MINUTES. SOLID.
  7. FROST THE WHOLE THING WITH ROYAL BLUE FROSTING. USE WILTON ROYAL BLUE. YOU ONLY NEED LIKE HALF. IT’S $3 A BOTTLE SON.
  8. OR USE FONDANT! YOU CRAFTY AS SHIT!
  9. BACK TO FROSTING. YOU FROSTED IT? GOOD! TRY AND GET SOEM SHARP CORNERS! YOU CANT? OKAY. USE A PEICE OF CARDSTOCK AND SMOOTH THAT BITCH OUT. PUT IT BACK IN THE FREEZER. WHEN IT’S COLD, SMOOTH IT SOME’MORE! HEEEEEEEEYAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11
  10. THAT FROSTING? PUT SOME IN A ZIPLOCK BAG! SNIP OFF A CORNER! PIPE SOME DOORS ON THAT BITCH. HOW U GONNA GET IN? I DONT KNOW!!!!!1
  11. DYE THE REST OF THE FROSTING BLACK! OR USE A PRE-MADE PEN FROSTING! THAT BITCH WONT KNOW! SHERLOCK HOLMES UP IN THIS SHIT? NAW YOU DONT GOT THE CHEST FO THAT PURPLE SHIRT DAMMIT!
  12. MORE PIPING! THIS TIME IN WHITE! POLICE BOX! OR MAYBE HAPPY BIRTHDAY ELLIOT? IS THAT HIS NAME? SHIT IF I KNOW.
  13. STICK SOME CANDLES IN THAT CAKE SON.
  14. HE GONNA’ LOVE IT.
  15. WHY WOULDNT HE. YOU MADE IT.
  16. AW YEAH.
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  6. obsidianroselace said: holy crap this bitch is amazing. in like every way. i looked up her website and everything to see if she worked near me, bitch works a half hour from me. i swear to god i hope it’s not stalkery if i “accidentally” show up asking for cake…